in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
