I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
