Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
