I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
