No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
