At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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