Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
