Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
