i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
