Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
