Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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