woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
