I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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