I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
