I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh god the rape fog is back!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
