my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
