i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
