i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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