Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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