I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
