I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
