Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
