no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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