They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
