I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
