I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
