I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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