it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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