First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
