last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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