before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is Oprah even human
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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