Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
