I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
