sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
