It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
