His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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