I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
bring money and cleavage
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
