So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
