don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
