i think my mom watched the whole time
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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