Yo dont text me then not text me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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