Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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