My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
