I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
