Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
