why didn't you poke me back
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
