just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
