My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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