and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
