The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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