you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
