Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
