I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
