I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
