i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
