well you can't waste a boner
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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