I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
