Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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