He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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