I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
