I am in a vortex of obligation.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
