I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
