I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize