He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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